How to Communicate When Others Can’t Imagine Your Symptoms
A practical, neutral guide to using constraints—clear, reproducible body rules—to communicate more effectively when symptoms are misunderstood.
How to Communicate Your Reality When Others Can’t Picture It
There comes a point for many medically complex or chronically ill people when they simply stop trying to translate their experience for others. Not because they don’t see what’s happening in their bodies, and not because they lack language. They stop because every attempt is misunderstood, minimized, or reinterpreted into something more familiar to the listener.
You say, “My muscles tighten over time,” and someone hears “They should stretch more.” You say, “Sun exposure makes me sick,” and someone imagines a mild rash. You say, “I can’t tolerate heat,” and they picture discomfort, not near-fainting.
After years of mismatches, you learn to shorten your answers. You avoid details. You default to “I’m okay,” or “It depends,” or “It’s complicated.”
Not because you’re vague— but because the world cannot picture what you’re describing.
At some point you stop trying to translate altogether.
This field note is about what to do next. For more background, first read @@the-projection-problem.
Why Communication Fails for Medically Complex People
Most people do not appreciate the broad range of possibilities in the human experience and incorrectly assume most people are similar to themselves. Everyone has to interpret new information through whatever they already understand. If they’ve never experienced what you’re describing they have to replace your meaning with something they can imagine.
It’s not hostility. It’s not disbelief. It’s a limitation of the listener’s internal model.
- Sensations like “fatigue,” “pressure,” “tightness,” or “brain fog” have no shared definition.
- Rare or systemic symptoms don’t match familiar illnesses.
- Anything unusual can get collapsed into anxiety, stress, or exaggeration.
- And the more complex the pattern, the harder it is for others to stay with you.
This is the bottleneck of imagination: People cannot accurately model an experience they have never lived.
And so they substitute.
That substitution is where communication breaks.
Why Sensations Don’t Translate into Actionable Information
When most people describe symptoms, they describe how something feels.
- “My arms hurt.”
- “My legs feel weak.”
- “My stomach feels off.”
- “My brain feels slow.”
But feelings are ambiguous. They depend on a person’s history, language, and sensory vocabulary.
And crucially—they invite projection.
Listeners instinctively map your description onto their own bodies. They don’t mean to do it. It just happens automatically.
This is why sensations fail as communication tools. They’re too easy to reinterpret.
When Facts Still Get Misunderstood (Autistic Communicators)
Some people—especially autistic individuals—already avoid describing sensations because they learned early that subjective language wasn’t reliable. They focus on facts, patterns, and observations instead. This helps, but it doesn’t fully solve the problem.
Even clear, factual descriptions can be misunderstood when the listener lacks a mental model for the underlying experience. The information is more precise, but the translation gap remains. Not having the typical sensation or emotion aspect of delivery can further confuse people.
This is the same bottleneck of imagination in a different form: the data is clearer, but the listener is still mapping it onto the nearest thing they understand.
Introducing the Idea of "Constraints"
A more effective way to communicate medically complex experience is to shift from sensations to constraints.
A constraint is a predictable, reproducible boundary:
If X happens under Y conditions, then Z reliably follows.
These boundaries describe what your body does, not how it feels.
Examples:
- “If I walk more than two blocks, my legs become unstable.”
- “If I increase my sun exposure, I get hives that last two weeks.”
- “If I stand in heat for five minutes, I need to sit to avoid collapsing.”
- “If I eat carbohydrates in the morning, I lose two hours of functional energy.”
These are not feelings. They are concrete, observable, functional.
They are also harder to misinterpret, because they describe:
- a clear trigger
- a consistent threshold
- and a repeatable outcome
This can bypass imagination entirely.
Why Constraints Break the Projection Loop
Constraints work because they give the listener something real to picture:
- They are concrete
- They are observable
- They are stable
- They are important
They describe boundaries the body enforces, whether others understand them or not.
Most importantly:
Constraints shrink the listener’s imagination down to the size of your actual experience.
They eliminate the guesswork. They anchor the conversation to something that exists outside both people’s interpretations.
Constraints don’t need sympathy. They don’t need empathy. They don’t need imagination.
They simply describe reality.
How to Identify Your Own Constraints
Most medically complex people have dozens of constraints— but only a handful are obvious at first.
Here are questions that can help uncover them:
- What always happens when you do a specific activity?
- What conditions reliably make your symptoms worse?
- What do you avoid automatically, without thinking?
- What patterns repeat even when you change other variables?
- What rules does your body enforce, even on good days?
- What circumstances always require recovery time afterward?
Start small. You don’t need precision. You don’t need perfect measurements.
Even rough descriptions help:
- “A short walk.”
- “A little sun.”
- “More than a few minutes.”
- “Every time I push past this point…”
These are the first clues.
How to Communicate Constraints Effectively
When you need someone to understand your limits, focus on:
1. The trigger
“This happens when…”
2. The threshold
“It usually starts after…”
3. The consequence
“And then I can’t…”
4. The reproducibility
“It happens every time.”
Keep it short. Keep it functional. Keep it factual.
You’re not just telling them what you feel. You’re telling them what the world looks like from your body.
That is something people can work with— clinically, practically, and relationally.
Closing: Reclaiming the Edges of Your World
When you describe your health in terms of sensations, you invite others to imagine what they think that means.
When you describe the boundaries your body actually enforces, you take back the narrative.
Constraints don’t require belief. They don’t require empathy. They don’t require imagination.
They simply describe the reality you live in—clearly enough for others to stop substituting and start understanding.
That clarity is how you reclaim your story.
How Sympa Can Help
Sympa's vision is to bring clarity, pattern-awareness, and grounded logic to personal health—especially for people navigating complex or poorly explained experiences. We are building tools that help individuals find clearer direction by reflecting on their lived data, developing pattern awareness, and making sense of what their bodies are telling them. Field Notes share perspectives that support this process and reflect the rigorous and independent systems-level reasoning that guides Sympa's evolution.
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